Writing has always been my thing-it just has. I've always expressed myself best through writings and things I write have always been completely open, honest, and up-front. I've been meaning to write here for a really long time and I was so excited when I heard that ASB had a blog and that we were all encouraged to write-I was just too afraid to show a vulnerable side of myself.
I am definitely not the focus of this trip for myself or for anyone else, but this trip has meant the world to me since the moment I heard of it. I wanted-needed- to be apart of it. I would have done anything.
Maybe I should start from the beginning and really open up, as hard as that is for me to...potentially anyone who could be reading this. Am I still afraid? Of course, but I know myself well enough to know that this is something I need to do because it is Day 3 of the trip and I don't want to hold back emotionally and miss out on something great.
Being a transfer at Framingham State is not easy. I transferred to Framingham State last semester, Fall 2011 and I've had a really hard time meeting people. It's not because I'm antisocial or because there aren't any 'good' people at Framingham, it's just hard to be the only one seeking out new people at events when everyone goes everywhere with their friends. They aren't looking to make new friends so the dynamic doesn't really work out. I've had other issues as well (just like everyone else-this is college) and things have just been really hard. And to be clear, this will all be relevant in a moment, I'm not looking for pity or sympathy or to complain, that's not what I'm about. This trip has meant so much to me for so long in more ways than one.
I've always been interested in volunteer work and I've always volunteered in some small way. It's just something I've always enjoyed. Give me a minute, I'm still holding back. It's so much different when you're trying to write something personal and it isn't private, but I know I need to force myself to lay this all out there. It's really hard when your only friends at school are your suitemates. It really is. I've wanted to really get to know people since Day 1 of the fall semester but I haven't had many opportunities.
That was one of the main reasons I wanted to be apart of ASB (besides the fact that I really wanted to help volunteer and spend my break doing something actually worth my time). I wanted to be submerged in a situation where I would be surrounded by strangers and need to force myself out of my shell and get to know new people, truly 'sink or swim'. But it's not working as well as I wanted it to. It's day 3 (day 4 now, technically) and I don't want this experience with these people to just end on Saturday. I don't want to feel like I spent a week with an amazing group of people without really getting to know them.
Change starts now.